Should couples, friends and relatives do the same Enlightenment Intensive?
Emma McGuinness
Is it okay for two people in a close relationship to take the same Enlightenment Intensive? What are the pros and cons?
It is certainly possible to take an Intensive with your partner, relative or close friend. But it is not always advisable.
The main factor against doing so is that, in the context of going for a direct experience, seeking and speaking one’s truth, being in a close relationship with another person in the group can actually get in the way.
You will always get the most benefit from an Intensive if you are able to focus purely on your own journey and completely ignore anyone you happen to know in the group.
For example, if you see or hear your spouse going through a crisis, you must be willing and able to leave them to it without any intervention on your part.
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There can be several advantages in taking an Intensive together.
Firstly, having both been through the same process, you will both be in a similar open space at the end of the Intensive. The basics of what you have been through do not need explaining to each other. Whatever your individual journeys, being in that space together is often much easier than the situation where only one partner is returning from an Intensive.
The fact that there is an extended integration period after your Intensive will also help you make the transition to ordinary relating and help you to get the most out of your open state.
Doing an EI at the same time also offers great potential in terms of the level of contact, closeness and mutual understanding between you in the time after the Intensive. We have personally found that this benefit has outweighed any disadvantage.
Having said that, it is important that you do not take the Intensive just as a way to sort out your relationship, or with the prime aim of improving the quality of your contact with each other. On an Enlightenment Intensive, those things are fringe benefits. If that were the main thing you wanted to achieve, then you would be better off taking something aimed specifically at those relationship goals.
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If you have both taken Enlightenment Intensives before, it may be fine for you to take the same Intensive.
The key prerequisites are:
You are both individually choosing to do so.
You both agree to “stay in your own lanes” for the whole EI.
You are able to put relationship concerns to one side and prioritise truth-seeking.
And to facilitate you in this during the EI:
You will not be sleeping in the same room.
You will not work with each other during the dyad exercises. (In fact, you might find it best to sit at opposite ends of the room.)
You will avoid having any contact, conversation or nonverbal interaction with each other until the Intensive finishes.
You will also not explicitly refer to one another, or your relationship, in your dyad communications. (There are ways to communicate such content without being explicit, which we can teach you.)
If at times you do find each other's presence distracting, we can guide you in how to incorporate such distractions into your process.
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But if either of you is new to Intensives – you should not take the same EI.
For someone who is new to EIs, having a close friend, partner or relative in the same room, going through the same process for the three days, is usually too inhibiting.
In setting out to to discover who you are, you have to be willing to go into the unknown, because what you discover about yourself may be different from anything you or another person in your life would expect.
Enlightenment Intensives are purely about honest self-discovery. Being open and honest about yourself is very difficult if you care about how it might affect your relationship with someone else in the group.
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Most importantly – no matter how much or how little prior experience you have – if two of you are considering taking the same Intensive, each of you must individually want and choose to take the Intensive for yourself.
If one of you is doing it mainly because your parner or friend wants you to, you will likely not benefit at all.